alot of things have been happening .. such as , family matters , friends and such . but the only thing that has kept me thinking abt everday and tht have kept me in silent thru this while , is my family .. which no one cares abt one another . my family have longed drifted apart . we havnt had much family gatherings , talks and such . esp after the 'incident' . my parents doesnt trust me . they dont trust me on what i do ,, what i wanna achieve and where i wanna go . cos of one mistake , which , i should not elaborate . only i , and ALLAH knows . he knows how i really feel and what im actually going thru . even if i were to tell it to somebody or to boyf , they wldnt understand what condition im in . cos theres just certain things i wld never tell . my life is a mystery , full of secrets . even if i wannted to say out , what ive been keeping thru out these years , somethgs will tell me not to . i believe , believe that i shld trust myself than others . and tht , what i am , and what i hide , shld only be kept to myself . each and every day i go thru each and every life's journey , i grow . i grew to be someone much more mature .standing for my rights , for what is right and wrong . mature to decide .. and carefully resolve such situations and not to ponder on thgs too long all bcos , 'yur too young , and you make stupid silly decisions .'

c'mon alyn ..yur growing up . stop being childish and think wisely and stop asking why thgs like ths happens .. learn more from every mistakes made . makesure not to repeat .. that is what i believe an angel wld tell me .

but ive been doing silly mistakes here and there . but i know im growing .. and im learning .but i know ive been making alot of sins .. alot .. and truthfully , i didnt touched my al'quran or even perform my regular prayers or even not at all for abt two months . im creating alot of sins . sins i believe the devil wld laugh at cos they are happy enuf to see me do the sinful things . ya allah alyn .. taubat luh . now then ive realised . maafkan luh semua kesalahan ku .. i think this is the return for my behaviour . i will repent . insaf .. tho i wanted bby to help me .. but i know his not ready . thts the thing i wanted to confess to him . i want to repent . wid his help . but i feel his too yound minded to help . cos what i know . guys are the easy easy come and go type of ppl . they dun care . thats why i told bby , only when his ready , to stand up and know for what is right and wrong , and cld think wisely , maybe he cld help me . but ill give him time to grow and learn just like i do . now then i realise how sinful ive become . im very sinful . i shall not say what ,why and how . tht , i shall keep it to myself .. i am ashamed when i say these thgs to ppl . esp if u say u wanna repent bcos u did smthg sinful . but i just want you ppl to know and realise now . i nvr want ppl to follow what im gg thru . it really took all of the courage and guts to post this and share my thoughts . seeing devils around is no joke . this is the time , now , everyday , i wld want god's help .

i shall repent .

Labels: god, please hear out my prayers ..